The FreeFest Alternative – Cheaper than Free
The FreeFest Alternative Finds Fear of Virginia Booking a Room at the Rock and Roll Hotel
Washington – American patriots and DC band Fear of Virginia today issued the following statement:
Over the past decades, British billionaire Richard Branson has brought many great innovations to the United States. Music stores, airlines, hell, even spaceships. However his most recent endeavor, the Virgin FreeFest has left many Americans in the DC Metro area scratching their heads. How can it be legal to give away free virgins?
High demand has left many DC residents virgin-less. NO LONGER. As upstanding Americans fighting British music imperialism, we have decided to do our part as DC residents to alleviate the worries of those who could not win free tickets to the concert out at Merriweather and who would rather invest their hard earned dollars in the local economy.
“We are pleased to announce that Fear of Virginia will headline the FreeFest alternative at H Street’s famed Rock and Roll Hotel. We cannot think of a better way to spend a Saturday evening with our friends and fellow local bands Neon Rush, Stereosleep, and UGLY.” said lead singer, and heartthrob, Mike Sciortino.
There is no doubt that spending a night with such a bill will provide entertainment value much greater than that found out in Maryland. Tickets are on sale for a measly $10 (less than, well, pretty much everything that will be on sale at FreeFest). Drinks, unlike at FreeFest, will be flowing abundantly at a much cheaper rate than the $12 festival beer.
Basically what it comes down to is that we as a band refuse to be pushed around by someone who originates from a country that burned our nation’s capitol to the ground during the war of 1812. We certainly have fears (mainly from a certain southern commonwealth) however, we will never be afraid to rock along with those who believe nothing rocks harder than the red, white, and blue.
Neon Rush – Andy Andrade - firstname.lastname@example.orgStereosleep – A.J. Jeanty - Jajeanty@gmail.com
UGLY – Kevin Snevely - email@example.com